Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Hero Without *FEAR* ?

Originally posted on August 11, 2006

Last week, I wrote an entry about Anakin and Luke being the Heros of their time. I mentioned how Anakin became known as the *Hero Without Fear* because of his heroic and courageous acts during the Clone Wars. A comment made by JediPug1 got me to could this Hero without fear have fallen, and fallen so hard? I had mentioned in the entry that Anakin's personal fears got the better of him, and he could no longer think straight. He allowed Palpatine to manipulate his mind into thinking that his fear of losing Padme' would come to pass unless he became his apprentice. JP1's comment was: *I love Anakin dearly, but he was definitely a hero with lot's of fear, and it was his undoing.* I found myself agreeing with this and could not let it here we are. 

I sense great fear in you. Yoda to Anakin, TPM

To me, Anakin will always be a Hero...that will not change. The ironic thing about his title as the Hero Without Fear is that he did, indeed, have fear...and quite a bit of it. From the beginning, Yoda felt Anakin's fear...a fear that was not identified in TPM. Anakin had just left the "comfort" of his home on Tatooine, he left the "comfort" of his mother, and the "comfort" of the familiar to face the Masters on the Jedi Council...beings he did not know. Who would not be afraid? I know I would be...heck, I still am when in unfamiliar environments and with unfamiliar people. But...was this possibly the source of his fear, ow was it something else, something he could not even identify yet?

In AOTC, Anakin was faced with nightmares of his mother being tortured, of suffering. Although he was trying to get Padme' to focus her attention on him, he could not "shake" the fear these nightmares had created. He must go find her, to save her from her agony...and he arrived to hold her as she took her last breath. Now he feels alone, his mother was no longer alive, no longer able to help him. He feels that he has failed her and anyone else important to him. After his mother's death, he finds out that Obi-Wan is in danger and that he may meet the same "fate" as his mother...but with the loss of his mother so fresh in his mind, he could not bring himself to help Obi-Wan, in fear of failing him too. However, when Padme' said that she was going to help Obi-Wan, with or without him, he appeared relieved that he had someone there with help him so he would not fail again.

I sense great fear in you, Skywalker. Dooku to Anakin, ROTS

Here is where the irony comes into least for me. Dooku could feel Anakin's fear during their duel on the Invisible Hand in ROTS. By this time, Anakin had the reputation of being the *Hero Without Fear*...but here was a Sith Lord telling him that he had *great fear* in him. What fear was this...or was it a way for Dooku to get Anakin to releas his anger and hate, his Dark Side feelings?

I sense much confusion in you young Skywalker. There is much fear that clouds your judgement. Mace Windu to Anakin, ROTS

We all know where this line came into play in ROTS...and it is fairly easy to figure out what Anakin's fears were at this time. Mace sensed these feelings, but could not determine the source of his fear. Here, Anakin was afraid of losing Padme', of losing his child(ren), of losing the "only way" to save his beloved (Palpatine). By not being allowed to go to Utapau with Obi-Wan, the Council gave Anakin time...time to think, something he did not like to do. The exhaustion of the war, of not sleeping for days because of his nightmares, and his fear of losing Padme' finally caught up to him, and he made that fateful decision to go to Palpatine's office, to block Mace's "death blow," and to become Darth Vader. With that decision, his fate was sealed...he would be the one thing he feared the most--alone.

As I said, Anakin will always be a hero in my mind. However, because he had many fears in his life, the reputation as the Hero Without Fear becomes ironic. Had he been given the opportunity to express these fears openly with those he trusted (namely Yoda and Obi-Wan), maybe he would have been better able to work through these feelings and not feel the need to trust in Palpatine...the one who played on these fears the most in order to accomplish his agenda. In the end, Anakin's fears got the better of him, and he sucumbed to the pressure placed on him, and he essentially ended up alone...that is, until Luke entered his life.

So...what do you all think? Was it Anakin's fears that led to his downfall and, if so, what was it that he feared the most?


Anakin and Luke Skywalker--Heroes of Their Time

Originally posted on July 31, 2006

This entry is dedicated to the *HEROES* of the SW saga...Anakin and Luke Skywalker. In a way, I guess you could say "like Father like Son" in this respect. They were both considered to be the heroes of their time...Anakin during the time of the Old Republic, and Luke during the time of the Empire and beyond. They shared the desire not only to help others in need, but also to save them. 

Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One and the Hero Without Fear

As we all know, Anakin was considered the "Chosen One," brought forth to bring balance to the Force in a time of need. He was discovered at the age of nine by Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. Qui-Gon helped to free Anakin from a life of slavery and took him to the Jedi Council, requesting that he be trained as a Jedi. There was much discussion among the members of the Council on whether Anakin would be the end, it was decided that Obi-Wan Kenobi would train Anakin. During the Clone Wars, Anakin went from being a Jedi Padawan to a Jedi Knight, fighting side by side with his mentor Obi-Wan. Throughout the Galaxy, Anakin became known as the *Hero Without Fear* for his "courageous" acts in battles against the Separatists. However, at the close of the Clone Wars, Anakin's personal fears got the better him, and he turned to the Dark Side, becoming Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith.   Over twenty years later, when his son appeared in his life, Anakin was able to fulfill the Prophecy that was his destiny from the day he was born. In doing so, he destroyed the Sith and once again brought balance to the Force.

Throughout his life, Anakin wanted to save those closest to him...from his mother, Shmi, to his wife Padme', even to his son, Luke. When he could not save the two women most important to him, he saw no hope, and lived his life in "isolation" as a Sith Lord. It took the one act of love displayed by his son to save him from himself...something nobody could do years before no matter how hard they tried.

Luke Skywalker, the Son of Anakin and a Hero in His Own Right

As we all know, Luke was called "The Son of Skywalker" by Palpatine in ESB. However, Luke knew little of his father, as he was raised on Tatooine by his Aunt and Uncle, Anakin's step-brother and his wife. What Luke "knew" of his father was that he was a pilot on a spice freighter and that he had died. Little did he know that his father was Anakin Skywalker, the "Chosen One," Jedi Knight turned Sith, and the most feared man in the galaxy. Luke inherited Anakin's Force abilities...abilities Luke probably could not explain until he met Ben "Obi-Wan" Kenobi. After much persuasion by Obi-Wan and following the death of his aunt and uncle, Luke decided to accompany "old Ben" on his way to Alderran and to learn the ways of the Force, to become a Jedi, *like my father.* Luke instantly became a hero with the Rebel Alliance by helping to rescue Leia and by destroying the Death Star. Once he learned the truth about his father, he took it upon himself to save bring him back to the Light Side. He was willing to give his life to save Anakin, he knew there was still good in him just as Padme' did before she died (that is another entry).

During the few years of his training, Luke became a powerful leader in the Rebel Alliance and became a powerful Jedi Knight...things I am sure would make both Padme' and Anakin proud. He was faced with not knowing anything about his parents, his family, his place in the galaxy. Then, one day, his world was turned upside down, and he learned the truth about his father (not so much about his mother), his sister, his place in the galaxy. He was given the task of forming a New Jedi Order without really any guidance from the Old Order and with trying to help maintain peace in the galaxy (I have not read any EU regarding Luke and the events after ROTJ, so I am going on what I have read in others' blogs with this).

To me, both Anakin and Luke were heroes...they both accomplished what they were sent to do, however round about that may have been. Now...who would you say was the hero--Anakin or Luke or both? Thoughts...anyone?

May The Force Be With You

The Ability to Love--Like Mother Like Daughter

Originally posted on July 26, 2006

I have been searching for a connection between Leia and Padme' for a while now, and I finally found one  . I have written on the connection between Luke and Padme', and others have written similar entries on the connection between Luke and Padme', Luke and Anakin, and Leia and Anakin. However, I have not seen too many on the connection between Leia and Padme' besides the never-ending question of how can Leia remember her mother and Luke cannot. 

What is it that connects Padme' and Leia besides their "bond" of mother and daughter? Sure, they both are strong politicians during their time in the Senate, but Leia's strong political beliefs and voice could be from her being raised by Bail Organa rather than having been passed to her from Padme'. So, what do these two women share? It is their ability to *love*. 

When we first meet Padme', she is a fourteen-year-old Queen, in a position of power and influence. We see her as a handmaiden-in-disguise, and are able to form an idea of the kind of person she truly is...kind, caring, and not above anyone. She will work with others in order to accomlish a goal, and is not afraid to join in the fight. In AOTC, she is now a twenty-four year-old Senator, still in a position of power, but now a woman. She has obligations to the Republic, but she also desires a family. Then, Anakin Skywalker re-enters her life...Anakin, now a nineteen year-old Jedi Padawan, not the nine-year-old boy from Tatooine.  Although Anakin tries to get Padme' to see him, to get her to love him, she keeps a "straight head" and does not give in to temptation. However, when faced with death on Geonosis, she can no longer deny her feelings, and confesses her love to Anakin. After the battle, Padme' and Anakin marry and spend the next three years living in secret. Padme's love for Anakin remains with her, even as she takes her last breath.

Fast-forward to ANH where we meet Luke, Han, and Leia. We all know that Luke and Han "fight" over Leia in ANH and ESB and that Luke discovers that Leia is his twin in ROTJ, so this "triangle" was dissolved with this realization. However, the focus here is on Leia, not the "love triangle" of Han, Luke and Leia. Now, Leia is a politician in the Imperial Senate and is a leader of the Rebel Alliance, so she more than likely had little time for "romance." Now, enter Luke and Han, and she now has two suitors who would do anything to "win" her love. However, she continues to focus on the task at hand...destroying the Death Star and winning a battle for the Rebellion. During ESB, the "battle "between Luke and Han over Leia continues, but, because of his proximity to her, Han wins out. I was watching her facial expressions toward Han in the beginning of ESB, and I could see that she was interested...afterall, I am a woman, I should know that look  . Anyway, she continues to keep that barrier around her feelings...that is, until they (Han, Leia, Chewie, and 3PO) are hiding in the asteroid field trying to elude the Empire. Han essentially "corners" her, and they kiss. Now, the "flames" are ignited, and Leia cannot deny her feelings, no matter how hard she tries. By the time ROTJ comes around, the feelings she has for Han are obvious, and it is just a matter of time before she gives in to these feelings. Her love for Luke becomes more of a sisterly kind of love, which "paves the way" for Han to love her.

Now, I have not read the novelizations of the OT or any EU following the time period of th OT, so I am not familiar with everyting about Leia and her personal life. I could be missing something here, but I am not taking into account this expanded information.

May the Force Be With You All

I Will NOT Condone a Course of Action That Will Lead Us to WAR

Originally posted on July 18, 2006

I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war. Padme' as Queen Amidala, TPM

I have been thinking about this line since I watched TPM a couple days ago. Padme', as Queen Amidala, said this in response to allowing Trade Federation occupation of Naboo after all communication had been disrupted. She was relying on negotiations to settle the crisis, although signs were clear that either the negotiators had not arrived or that the negotiations had failed. She was not willing to sacrifice the peace and safety of her planet by giving in to the Federation's demands.

However, this statement also carries a deeper meaning, with an almost eerie foreboding. Padme' loved democracy and peace, and did not like the idea of war. She believed in finding diplomatic solutions to problems and not giving in to the demands of others. When she arrived in Coruscant to address the Senate in TPM, she first met with then-Senator Palpatine. During their discussion, he suggested that Chancellor Valorum could not be trusted to help with their "situation." When Amidala asked *what options have we*, Palpatine responded with *You could suggest a vote of no conficence in Chancellor Valourm's leadership*. Her response,* that is something I cannot do*, did not "stand" once in front of the Senate. Under Palpatine's prodding, she suggested a vote of no-confidence, thereby paving the way for Palpatine to become Chancellor and, eventually, Emperor.

Fast forward ten years to AOTC. Padme', now the Senator of Naboo, returned to Coruscant to fight the Military Creation Act...she did not believe that creating an army and threatening war would end the conflict with the Separatists. When made to return to Naboo for her protection, Padme' placed JarJar in charge of her vote...a move that would prove detrimental to her beliefs when he suggested giving Palpatine emergency powers to order the creation of the Grand Army of the Republic. Upon her return to Naboo, Padme' reported to the Queen for a discussion on the happenings within the Senate and the Republic. When asked by Queen Jamilla *do you see any way, through negotiations, to bring the Separatists back into the Republic,* Padme' responded *not if they feel threatened.* As the meeting concluded, Queen Jamilla said *the day we stop believing democracy can work, is the day we lose it*, to which Padme' responded *let's pray that day never comes.* Later, when Padme' and Anakin arrived on Geonosis to rescue Obi-Wan, she said to him (Ani)...*follow my lead. I'm not interested in getting into a war here. As a member of the Senate, maybe I can find a diplomatic solution to this mess.* Little did she know, however, just how close to war they really were. Just a short time later, the first shots of the Clone Wars were fired, and the war she so desperately tried to avoid was upon them.

So now my question is, did Padme' inadvertently lead the Republic into war by following Palpatine's suggestion to motion for a vote of no-confidence in Chancellor Valorum's leadership?   This move surely set in motion Palpatine's plan to "rule the galaxy," but was she so young and naive that she could not see this? If this is true, then Palpatine also used Padme', without her knowledge, to further his ultimate plan.

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

May the Force Be With You

Luke-Padmé's Saving Grace

Originally posted on July 14, 2006

Obi-Wan. There's still good in him. I know there's still... Padmé to Obi-Wan, ROTS 

Buy why must you confront him? Leia to Luke, ROTJ
Because there is still good in him. I felt it...I can save him. I can turn him back to the right side. I have to try. Luke to Leia, ROTJ

I started thinking about this after VA2 made a connection between Luke's cry for help in ROTJ and Padmé's cry for help in ROTS. The PT is filled with connections to the OT...some more subtle than others. I have said before that it is no coincidence that Luke was held near his mother when she uttered the words there's still good in him. Luke uttered very similar words to both Leia and Vader in ROTJ, and it made me wonder-since he did not remember Padmé as Leia did, had he carried her dying words with him his entire life only to be recalled at the right moment? And further, what was this "right moment?" The moment he discovered that Vader was indeed his father, the moment he learned that Anakin had become Vader around the time of his birth, or the moment he was made to confront his father?

So, you have accepted the truth. Vader to Luke, ROTJ
I have accepted the truth that you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father. Luke to Vader, ROTJ
That name no longer has any meaning for me. Vader
It is the name of your true self. You've only forgotten. I know there is good in you. The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully...Come with me. Luke

Here, as we all know, Luke was trying to convince Vader to return to the Light, to remember the man who was once Anakin, his father. Padmé's words also rang through Luke here-I know there is good in you; Come with me. Although Vader said that Obi-Wan once thought this way, it was really Padmé who did. Obi-Wan had tried to turn Anakin back, but was unsuccessful. However, it was Padmé, using her love for him, who tried the hardest...she wanted him to come with her, to help her raise their child(ren), to be the man she fell in love with, the man she married.   She was willing to give up everything to help him, to save him. However, he was too far into the Dark Side, too deluded, to listen to what she was saying.   But that Vader knew the truth of what happened all those years ago, he was beginning to "break," to allow Anakin to surface. As amidalooine said in her entry "Padme...on the Bridge," her presence was felt by Vader through Luke: Her dying words rang in her son's ears as he repeated them to his father...Finally Padme was allowed to support her husband...and shortly thereafter, Anakin finally let her in as he saved their son. Luke was there to save Anakin from himself, something Padmé had once tried to do, tragically and unsuccessfully. However, here, Luke was Padmé's saving grace-he was there to finish what his mother had started. And this time, there would be success. Not only did he save Anakin that day, but he also saved Padmé.


May the Force Be With You All...Always

Politics and Emotions in the Galaxy Far Far Away

Originally posted on July 11, 2006

We don't have time to mourn. We have work to do. Leia, ANH

This entry was inspired by another blogger's entry and my comment: She almost had to hide behind this mask...afterall, politics and emotion really did not go well together in the GFFA. This was in reference to the "mask" Padme' wears throughout her political career. In general, if you watch closely, you can "see" the difference in the manners of speech and appearance of the politicians during a session of Congress as opposed to their mannerisms outside of this arena. Buy why is it that they do not express emotion when discussion matters of great importance to them? Do politics and emotions work together or work against each other?

"Anakin? What are you doing here? It's still the middle of the afternoon..." 
He looked up to find her standing in the archway in full Senatorial regalia...Instead of a smile, instead of sunlight in her eyes, instead of the bell-clear joy with which she had always greeted him, her face was nearly expressionless: attentively blank.
Anakin callded it her Politician Look, and he hated it.

These lines come directly from the ROTS novelization. The context of these lines is following Anakin's meeting with Palpatine where he instills doubt in Anakin's mind about his relationship with Padme'--that she could be having an affair with Obi-Wan. He goes to her apartment to "confront" her about this and finds her not too excited to see him in the middle of the day. Now in terms of the film, this is the scene where Anakin discusses feeling lost and wanting more. He feels her distancing herslef from him and is uncomfortable...instead of a smile, instead of sunlight in her eyes, instead of the bell-clear joy with which she had always greeted him. This was not the Padme' he knew outside of the political arena, the real Padme'...the kind, caring, selfless person he came to love, not this stiff, cold person who was standing before him at that moment. Later, Anakin stands in during Palpatine's meeting with the representatives of the Delegation of 2000, Padme' included...and referrs to her "perfect" appearance and manner of speech as her Politician Look and Politician Voice, the two things he hated most about her.

Even Palpatine acts differently in his roles: Senator (TPM), Chancellor, Sith Lord, Emperor, and in "private consultation" with Anakin. Sure, he wears the appropriate attire for the role he is "playing," but his mannerisms and speech are different depending on his agenda and his role. Once his "true identity" was revealed in ROTS and he was permitted to fully express his anger/fear/aggression (Sith traits), he was no longer made to "hide" behind his cloak of deception.

Fast forward to ANH. For the most part, Leia does not express much emotion when in her official capacity. Also, subtleties in her voice suggest she is on "official business" as opposed to her being herself. She says we don't have time to mourn, although her home planet of Alderran had been destroyed . Now, why does she not allow herslef to mourn, to "feel" for her loss? Sure, the Empire was in "hot pursuit" of her and the Rebel base, but she did not let on that she was saddened...except for the moment immediately following the destruction of Alderran.

Could it be that, to display emotion while acting in official capacity is a sign of weakness? Could it be that the political process directly/indirectly discourages emotion? Could the Galactic/Imperial Senate be more similar to the Jedi Order in terms of suppressing emotion than they would like to admit, or that they even see? It just seems that, in the GFFA, politics and emotions do not "mix," that displaying emotion while acting in one's official capacity is not highly regarded. To me, this leads to the politicians' burying themselves, their feelings so that they can serve the "greater good" for those they represent.

Thoughts on this...anyone?

May the Force Be With You, Always

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Obi-Wan and the Council don't TRUST me

Originally posted on July 7, 2006

Obi-Wan and the Council don't trust me. Anakin to Padme, ROTS
They trust you with their lives. Padme' to Anakin, ROTS

I started thinking about this the other night while I was watching ROTS. We all know when and where this conversation between Anakin and Padme' occurs and what happens afterward. What "struck" me here was this whole idea of trust, and how Anakin was beginning to feel "lost," not knowing who to trust. The questions that came to my mind were: Just how important is trust in a Jedi's life? Did they or could they trust anyone? Then I started thinking about important a role it appeared to play in his life and, perhaps more important, the role it had in his downfall. He wanted to be accepted, to be trusted by everyone in his life...and his feeling of not being trusted helped to plague his mind about those around him until he could no longer trust himself or those closest to him--particularly Padme' and Obi-Wan. But where does this mistrust/distrust of Anakin by the Council begin? From the moment he faced the Council, from the moment he was accepted as a Padawan, or from the moment he became a Jedi Knight?

In AOTC, Obi-Wan had verbalized to Mace Windu his "unease" with Anakin taking on the assignment of escorting and protecting Padme' on Naboo. The reasons, according to the film, were that he was not ready and that he was arrogant. However, in the novel, another reason was given...that of Anakin's feelings for Padme', feelings he had since they first met. Both Yoda and Mace stated that the Council was confident in its decision to give Anakin this particular assignment, and let it rest at that.

Fast forward to ROTS...what had changed in terms of their confidence in Anakin and his abilities? He was now a Jedi Knight, no longer a Padawan. His "duties" to the Order had changed, and he was facing the track toward Master. He had "saved" Obi-Wan during various assignments and had even helped to "rescue" the Chancellor from General Grievous. However, after Obi-Wan had given Anakin the task of "spying" on Palpatine, Mace verbalized his distrust of Anakin: very dangerous putting those two together. I don't think the boy can handle it. I don't trust him. To this, Obi-Wan responded with all due respect, Master...He will not let me down. He never has. Although Mace had verbalized his distrust of Anakin, Obi-Wan defended him by essentially saying that he could be trusted. Mace had also referred to Anakin as a boy, not the man we all know him to have become. Every time I hear these words, I cannot help but think how much did Mace not trust, not respect, and not regard Anakin? We all know that Mace had not particularly cared for Anakin since the day Qui-Gon brought him before the Council...but was this really where his distrust of Anakin started?  I have pondered this, and have not come up with an answer.

To all of this add Palpatine's portrayl of how the Jedi did not trust Anakin, and we begin to see why Anakin became "lost" and confused as to who could be trusted. When Anakin told Palpatine the news of Obi-Wan's engaging General Grievous, the conversation started to revolve around Palpatine "searching" Anakin's mind for why he (Ani) thought the Council would not make him a Master. And what was Palpatine's response to Anakin's thoughts? They don't trust you, Anakin. Later, after Anakin turned and became Vader, Palpatine again said because the Council did not trust you my young apprentice... To me, this was the epitome of his plan to "turn" Anakin to the Dark Side and join him in destroying those who he had considered commrades all those years. Palpatine even, according to the ROTS novelization, made it appear that neither Padme' nor Obi-Wan could be he eluded to an "affair" between the two occurring behind Anakin's back. Now his wife and his mentor were not being honest with him...and why would he not believe Palpatine?

As Anakin slips further into the Darkness, it is not difficult to see the change in him from someone who blindly trusted that the Jedi would protect him to someone who realizes his abilities and does not understand why everyone is holding him back to someone who has lost faith in those closest to him...those he "thought" he could trust. It is ironic...the one person Anakin thought he could trust the most after Padme' and Obi-Wan, was the one who should not have been trusted to begin with--Paplatine.

Now...the questions I posed at the beginning really have not been answered here. I was unable to answer these questions while contemplating this entry at work last night (isn't it nice to see what the "brain" of a "night-shifter" thinks while watching her patients' sleep?). Also, this was a little longer than I had anticipated, so I thank you for "sticking in there"...that is, if you made it this far.  I would like to know your thoughts on those questions I posed at the beginning of this entry regarding the Jedi and trust, and even your thoughts on anything else I mentioned here. Thank you again for reading.

May the Force Be With You

Who is Padmeskywalker77 (aka PS77) ??

Originally posted on July 6, 2006 keeping up with the ladies of the LILWA, I guess today is my turn to reveal a little about myself. Now, the question is: Where do I begin?

I was born in January of 1977, so I was only a few months old when what we know today as ANH was released. My parents really were not into SW and similar films, so I really did not become a fan until I was an adult. I do remember watching SW on I think it was Friday nights on CBS and being afraid of Darth Vader. I did not fully understand the story so I guess I almost avoided the saga for all of those years. However, now that I have discovered the saga, I cannot imagine my life without it.

I grew up in the "farm country" of Northwest Ohio, just across the field from my maternal grandparents' farm...the place where both my grandfather and my mother were raised. When my sister and I were nearing High School age, we moved into town so that we could be closer to school and our other commitments. I started playing the piano when I was about 8 years old, and then the clarinet a few years later. Unfortunately, I have not kept up with these, and often find myself missing the relaxing effect playing gave me. I do have a small keyboard (nowhere near the number of keys of a piano), and play every once in a while, but that is even difficult.

I graduated at the top of my class and moved to the "big city" for college. I decided that nursing was my passion, so I pursued that degree. Moving away from home was difficult, but I found comfort in new friends I made through my co-ed Fraternity...especially because one member (female) was a SW fan, and organized "cultural events" around the re-releases of the OT in1997. Here, my passion for SW began, but ended shortly thereafter  . I also took up country line dancing, something that, to this day, I enjoy immensely. I graduated with my BSN and started working as a nurse in a facility in Northeast Ohio that cares for "Special Needs" children. I worked here for two years before I decided that I needed other experiences, and decided to work in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit of a local Children's Hospital...I had taken one year off from school and then returned to work on my Master's Degree in Nursing. This took me another five years, and I became certified as a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner last summer. I am continuing my search for a job where I can use this degree and certification. I also had a manuscript accepted for publication by a Pediatric medical journal, and am still waiting for the edition in which it will appear. Because of my commitments to school and work, I have not had time to date much, so I remain single. I know that one of these days I will "find" my Anakin or my Obi-Wan, or my Luke or my Han...whichever "type" fits me best, I do not know...but I know that day will be wonderful.

Last summer, my passion for SW was renewed with the release of ROTS. The weekend after I saw ROTS, I decided to watch the OT to "refresh" my memory on the story. Then I decided that I should watch the PT so that I knew the story leading into ROTS. I am going to admit this...I watched the PT backwards---ROTS, then AOTC, then TPM. I guess I had been so busy working on my MSN and working full-time that I had forgotten about the SW saga.  I, like Rex0 (who said in a statement in his 50th blog entry), joined Hyperspace so that I could gain access to "Member's only" content on the site...I could not get enough of ROTS. I noticed the blogs earlier this year and started commenting on a few here and there. I had thought about writing my own, but was not sure about putting my thoughts and feelings out there for all to read. Then, Angel came along and, in her own way, inspired me to write...and not just in comments to others.   So I took that "leap" and decided to put my thoughts down for everyone to read...which was a little scary for me since I tend to be a little on the "quiet/shy" side. Now, I have become "addicted" to this site and to writing. I never knew that blogging could be such a "release" for my thoughts, as I really do not have too many people to share this love of SW family and many of my friends and co-workers do not understand my passion and do not understand the movies. Also, the entries by the LILWA keep me coming back because I have had fun with them and enjoy what they have to say.

I have also recently begun costuming, a "hobby" my family does not understand and that I cannot fully explain to them. I guess I felt that I needed something to fill my spare time, and this was what I chose...a very expensive hobby at that  . I currently have two Padme' costumes finished (the battle outfit from ROTS and the nightgown she wears in the beginning of ROTS) and one in the "works" (the picnic gown from AOTC). I also have several more Padme' costumes and a couple of Leia costumes in the planning stages. I will eventually finish these, and will need to find something else to occupy my time. However, that is far away before that ever happens.

I hope you all enjoyed learning a little more about me, and I look forward to learning more about the rest of you. So...who's going to be next?

May the Force Be With You

Too Frightened to Tease A Senator?

Originally posted on June 30, 2006

It sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me. Padme' to Anakin, AOTC
Well...if it works. Anakin to Padme', AOTC
You're making fun of me. Padme'
No...I'd be much too frightened to tease a Senator. Anakin

I've been thinking about this since ami made a comment about this line in one of my last entries (I can't remember which one, though), so I thought I would look at this a little further. we all know where this conversation between Anakin and Padme' took place and what the topic involved. Now, just how serious was Anakin when discussing his thoughts on how the Senate should handle things? He said: We need a system where all the politicians sit down and discuss the problem, agree what's in the best interest of the people, and then do it. To this, Padme' responded: That's exactly what we do. The trouble is that people don't always agree. And what was Anakin's response? Then they should be made to.

When watching the movie, it is easy to see that Padme' is a little disturbed by Anakin's statements...but the novel goes a little into what she was thinking was he so convinced that he had the answers... She just could not grasp what it was he was saying, and responded defensively by asking By whom? Who's going to make them?...You? Anakin's final respons was Someone wise. He tried to hold a "serious" look, but could not do so for long. After the "tease a Senator" part, the novel goes further in having Anakin say to Padme' You're always so serious while juggling the fruit she threw at him. Then the novel goes on to describe Padme's feelings about wanting to be of her duties, free to follow her heart, free to rid herself of all those trappings, all those clothes and jump into the laugh. And laugh is what she did while Anakin was riding the Shaak and again after she realized he was ok after his fall.

Now...just how serious was Anakin with these statements? Sure, he grinned and laughed with her...but was he trying to get a rise out of her or was he actually teasing her? At the time, without knowing the entire story, it would appear that he was, in his own way, just "teasing" to see how she would react to him. He was trying to get her to let her guard enjoy the day and not to think so seriously about things, "to go with the flow" in a way. On the other hand, we all know what happens to him, and could argue that these were his true feelings about how the Republic should be run. As Anakin said to Padme' near the end of ROTS: You and I can rule the galaxy...make things the way we want them to be. 

So now I'm asking you...which was it: Anakin teasing Padme' about being so serious or Anakin expressing his true feelings about how the Republic should be ruled?   I believe it was a little of both...but more so to get Padme' to "lighten up" a little and enjoy the simple things.

Thank you, and May the Force Be With You

You Turned Her Against Me!!

Originally posted on June 22, 2006

You turned her against me. Anakin to Obi-Wan, ROTS

You have done that yourslef. Obi-Wan to Anakin, ROTS

There has been much discussion in the past few days regarding the last thirty or so minutes of ROTS...with the focus on the dialogue and the meaning behind the words. I have been thinking about these two lines, spoken between Anakin and Obi-Wan before their "final" battle in ROTS. These few moments of dialogue between Anakin and Padme' and then between Anakin and Obi-Wan carries so much weight that I could not let my mind rest until I expressed these thoughts.

We all have our own feelings about this part of the movie...just as we each had our own reaction to these scenes the first time we saw it in theaters. From the moment Obi-Wan talks with Padme' about what Anakin has done to the moment Anakin and Obi-Wan duel, my heart just aches with the words spoken between and among the characthers and the body language displayed, that I often find myself crying in response...knowing the "story" told by the OT and what will inevitably happen. Here, Anakin is being "torn" between two different personas: that of the Jedi Anakin Skywalker and that of the Sith Lord Darth Vader. Vader is trying to overtake Anakin, "replaying" the words of betrayl he feels. Padme' has already told him that she had spoken with Obi-Wan prior to her arrival on Mustafar.

Obi-Wan told me terrible things. Padme'
What things? Anakin
That you killed...younglings. Padme'
Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me. Anakin

The thought of Obi-Wan turning Padme' against him were spoken before the emergence of Obi-Wan from the ship...before either Anakin or Padme' knew he was aboard. The "rumors" about a relationship, a betrayl, between his wife and his Master were started by Palpatine. These doubts were placed as Palpatine spoke to Anakin about reports of a Jedi leaving the apartment of a Senator in the early morning hours...a female Senator, nonetheless. Anakin goes on to say (from what I can remember from the ROTS novelization) "She couldn't...they couldn't." When Anakin returns to the apartment to speak to Padme' about this, he "feels" Obi-Wan's presence...that's a little too close for comfort (referring to Anakin's response to how "close" Obi-Wan and Padme' were sitting on the couch).

As Padme' spoke of Obi-Wan's words to her about Anakin to him, he attempted to dispell any doubt she had about him. However, Padme' began to realize that Obi-Wan was, indeed, correct in his statement that she "called" Anakin on it--Obi-Wan was've changed. When Obi-Wan emerged from Padme's ship, Anakin could no longer take it...Liar!! You're with him. You brought him here to kill me...and Vader emerged to Force-choke Padme', the one he fought so hard to save by turning to the Dark Side. Once Anakin realized what he had done to Padme', he lashed out at Obi-Wan...who also tried to "reason" with him, to bring him back to the Light. As we all know, he failed at this attempt, and Vader emerged to confront Obi-Wan, to destroy prevent him from taking Padme' from him. Little did Anakin know, he was the one who turned Padme' agains him...the realization of what he had become and of what he was capable of doing were what "turned" her against him. Anakin lived with this as Vader for the next twenty or so years...until his son revealed himself and had Padme's faith to save him.

Thank you for reading this. May the Force Be With You All...Always

Love Won't Save You Padme'--Only My New Powers Can Do That

Originally posted on June 20, 2006

All I want is your love. Padme' to Anakin, ROTS

Love won't save you Padme'. Only my new powers can do that. Anakin to Padme', ROTS

This entry is coming to to you live from the beaches of the Naboo Lake Country  It was a little too warm today for me to stay out on the beach, so I came up early. Anyway...this entry is a continuation of sorts from my previous entry looking at why Padme' wanted to have their baby back home on Naboo. This entry "mysteriously" made the front page over the weekend and is closed for comments...but I wanted to link it for anyone who may have missed it and became confused while reading this entry. Ok...I wanted to know why Padme' thought that Naboo would be safe for her to deliver and raise her child(ren). Many reasons were provided by both myself and those responding to my questions...many suggesting that she wanted to run from the war, that Naboo was the place where she and Anakin fell in love and were married, that Naboo was where her family was and that they would provide the necessary protection for her and her child(ren), and that Naboo was her home and she felt safest there. All of these were valid reasons, and I agree with them all. I recently finished reading the AOTC novelization, and realized the sense of safety she felt there...especially in the Lake Country--the place she suggested for having her child(ren). I also finished reading the fourth book in the Last of the Jedi series, and realized the respect for privacy all of the citizens of Naboo hold for others. It is only under direct threat that they reveal the location of any citizen...and even then they do not willingly give the information. A perfect place to have and raise a child one does not wish to have revealed to the galaxy.

Now on to this entry. The quotes above were said between Anakin and Padme' on Mustafar, when she was trying to convince him to run away with me raise our child...leave everything else behind while we still can. She wanted to believe that Anakin was the same person she fell in love with, although she knew the truth about what he had become. She wanted to believe that only their love was needed to save him, to save her from his visions of her dying, from the "threat" of the new Empire, from his "delusions of grandeur." However, by this time Anakin was too far "gone"...becoming more and more consumed by the Dark Side, by Darth Vader, that he could not relinquish himself to the love Padme' was emanating at that moment. He could not see that it was he himself who was "killing" her...that her "self" was starting to crumble at the relaization of what he had done, what he had become. Even as she says to him Anakin, you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I cannot follow...because of what you've done, what you plan to do, his mind was full of doubt, doubts placed there by good ol Palpatine. As Obi-Wan emerged from her ship, Anakin became so enraged that he called her a Liar, and allowed Vader to take over and incapacitate her, with the intention to kill. Obi-Wan was able to bring him back for a moment...long enough for him to realize what he had just done, and we all know what happened next.

As we have discussed before, their love had blinded them bloth to everything and everyone around them. Anakin was so determined to save the love of his life that he could not see that these visions, these nightmares were his worst fears appearing in his restless mind. Sure, he had visions of his mother suffering, and they, unfortunately, turned out to be true. However, with the stress of the war, of not wanting to hide their marriage, and of becoming a father, he could no longer make the distinction between reality and "fantasy." Padme' was torn between her duty to the galaxy through her position as Senator and her role as wife and first-time mother that she could not fully see how Anakin was suffering with the coming changes and believed that their love was what would save them both. Unfortunately, the love they both so blindly believed in was what "destroyed" them...with Padme' dying shortly after giving birth to the galaxy's "new hope" and Anakin dying to become Darth Vader. It took over twenty years for this love Padme' so believed in to save Anakin, to bring him back from the life he chose in the hope of saving her...but their love did save them in the end.

Thoughts...anyone  May the Force Be With You All